Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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