Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
