She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
