Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were trust falling into bushes
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