i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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