I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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