Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
