eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
