Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
