i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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