Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
