There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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