i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
