She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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