I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
