so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
