Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
