alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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