Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
