I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize