When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
