Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
