3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
