So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize