I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
