i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
