I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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