Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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