We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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