I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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