come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
