I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
