It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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