So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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