I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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