so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She bit a glass in half.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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