I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
