Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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