I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize