my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
worst night to have a conscience
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
