Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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