he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
