Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
