he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
