but the lizard people decide everything anyway
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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