New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
