Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
