May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ladies don't puke and tell
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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