It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
