I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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