He is an equal opportunity slut.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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