it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
