I wish you could order shots online.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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