help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just threw up on my dentist
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
