i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Quick, to the slutcave!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
