I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize