the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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