It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
