If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
