About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
