Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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