there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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