Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Alive.
So much puke
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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