Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
