it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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