I skipped work to stalk him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
