No stitches, just platelets and will power
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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