Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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