i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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