my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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