Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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