Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
