i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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