tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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