My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
