That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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