She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
