It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to cum in my sink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
