You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
