First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
