You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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