I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
