ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
