the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
