could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
