i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
